Day 20, Month 1

I've been taking (expired) pregnancy tests every day.  All negative.  I think reality is starting to sit in for month 1.  Not that I would expect a positive pregnancy test at this point but I'm just not feeling it anymore.  I'm guessing all those earlier signs were completely psychological.  *Reality sitting in*

This reality has kinda killed my sex drive too.  I think I normally tend to dip at this point in my cycle anyway.  It's the lull before flow comes to visit.  At what seemed like 1am, my husband starting running his hands up my thigh and gently starting massaging me.  I was in such a deep sleep, I got up to go to the bathroom and then proceeded to growl at him when I got back in bed "just because you were awake, doesn't mean I was".  He gently let me know that it was 6am and the kids would be up soon.  As I laid there waking up, I realized I was in fact horny and since awake at this time, I might as well :)

30 minutes later the first child's laughter came through the monitor.  Whew, glad we got that out of the way before the monsters, I mean princesses, stormed our bedroom. 

Day 17, Month 1

Today is one of those moronic days for me.  I'm completely convinced I'm pregnant.  I forgot to mention, I took an early pregnancy test yesterday...it was negative.  I buy them in bulk on Amazon (super cheap by the way) but this doesn't help me get over my obsessiveness with thinking I'm preggo.

Anyway, I'm convinced today because I swear I'm having major round ligament pain.  It hurts when I stand up, roll over, laugh etc.  Again, although a smart woman and I acknowledge the odds of feeling it this early are slim, I can still dream right?

Hubby has successfully put both girls to bed tonight so excuse me for cutting this short but we've got some catching up to do ;)

Day 16, Month 1

12 more days until Flow will visit.  I've never had any luck with early pregnancy tests.  Even when I was pregnant I would never test positive until I had missed my period.  Patience is not one of my strengths.

The hubby is out tonight having a beer with an old coworker and won't get home until later.  This means no sex tonight either.  Although I'm a little sexually frustrated tonight, my toddler is insisting she sleep in my room until daddy gets home.  By the time he gets home and we get her into her own bed, it will be past my sex pumpkin time.

Sex pumpkin time, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about.  I hit a point every night that although I may not be ready to go to sleep, I am no longer interested in having sex, no matter how turned on I am.  I personally blame this on the fact that I've always been a morning sex person.  I think my body hits a point each night where it would rather just wait until morning.  Unfortunately, my husband and my schedule don't line up during the weekdays (he's up about an hour earlier) and the kids are usually waking us up on the weekend.  I can't wait until they're older and sleep in themselves.  They invented locks for a reason, right?

Day 15, Month 1

Yesterday was day 15 ...

I'm one of this, well, crazy women for lack of a better word.  While trying to conceive, I'm convinced every month that I'm pregnant.  And most months I'm let down when Flow comes to visit.  Although I've been able to conceive both times we've tried in the past, in those first passing months, I get a glimpse of what it's like to never be able to.  I'm not saying I can relate, because I can't.  But, the bottom that drops out of you when you see the first trace of your period, I've felt that.

After our first daughter, E, I had a lot of problems and merely 10 days after delivery was told that I had a 90-95% chance of having a hysterectomy.  Although very confused about how I felt, my first thought was thank god we had one healthy baby.  As my husband turned white at the doctors words and had to take a seat, I could see the fear in his eyes.  His first thoughts were my health.  He was so sick to his stomach he could not accompany me to the hospital the next day,  my mother-in-law joined me instead.  I had this calm about me that day, I just wanted to feel better and no longer cared what it took.  15 maybe 20 minutes after being put under, everything had went perfectly and I was in recovery.  I thank god every day for the ability to have baby #2, A.

So, day 15 (the day after "Day 14") I was convinced every cramp was implementation happening.  I'm sure that these cramps are either ovulation, side effects from coming off the pill, or just completely made up in my head, but it's fun to think that a little baby can be forming inside me.  On top of these "cramps", I also had a dirty dream.  And, when I say dirty dream, I have never watched any porno like my dirty dreams. They are twisted!  I'm also never "in" the dream, I'm watching like a movie.  Last night it was a women with a penis and a man with a vagina, having very heated sex.  Just weird.  But regardless, through both of my first two pregnancies, I had these dreams.  So, once again "cramps" + "dirty dreams"...I'm totally preggo ;)  You can laugh in about 10 days when Flow comes to visit me.

And for good measure and because I kinda like my hubby, I was in the mood last night.  Until we had all tucked into bed and I asked him if he had packed A for the babysitter.  He proudly pronounced No and asked me to do it.  No big deal right?  Except I do it EVERY time and he only has to take her to the babysitter 2 times a week, I do ALL other drop offs.  I was suddenly completely turned off and ready for bed.  He thinks I'm "withholding" but I'm not sure he realizes how much that stuff is a turn off, especially right before I was going to jump him.  URGH!  And this is probably why I had the dirty dream...

Day 14, Month 1

Child number 3 is on the line.  Although I try to hide my excitement about the upcoming *hopefully* pregnancy, I know my husband can see right through it.  He wanted to try for baby #3 shortly after baby #2 (18 months ago) and I wasn't ready.  So of course, I've been ready for about 6 months now and he wasn't...now, we are finally on the same page.  So as of the end of December, Ms. Pill has been trashed.

I struggle to find a sweet spot in our sex life.  The spot where I'm happy and he's happy.  I know he feels like I step it up a notch when I know we are trying to conceive.  But, what women doesn't?  It's not that I'm using him, honestly!  It's a complete turn on to know that what you're doing can create life.  And yes, when we're lingering around day 14 (ovulation day), I want to make sure we are doing everything we can to conceive.

Let me start by giving a little background.  We have a 3 year old and 1 1/2 year old daughter.  Ideally, we'd like a boy to complete our happy little family but would be more than happy to have a 3rd girl as well.  Healthy is what matters most.  And plus, we have all the clothes, toys etc. that any girl could ever want.  In the past, we've ignored any old wives tales about "how to" conceive a specific gender and just had sex as much as possible around ovulation time.  It took us 5 months to get pregnant with our first and 4 months with the second.  This time around, we're trying to stick the old wives tale of how to have a boy because heck, it doesn't hurt right?  Here's our go to list (no scientific backup here)

-Avoid sex 4-5 days before ovulation
-Have sex on the day you ovulate
-Female must orgasm
-No lubrication
-Male dominating position
-Eat red meat, salty snacks and caffeine
-Jump on one leg (just kidding on this one, but I would honestly do it if it made the list)

Yesterday was day 14...

My husband and I had skipped sex days 10-13 so he was very much expecting me to jump him last night.  As I initiated sex by running my hand along his inner thigh while he was focused on his 500+ Candy Crush level and watching Castle in the background, he almost growled at me perturbed.  He very well knew what I was doing and I'm sure he only does this to give me crap but it's the biggest turn off ever.  However much that look bothered me, I was determined to be intimate and continued my way up his leg.  He slowly smiled and rolled me over to my back while undressing me.

*CHECK* Avoid sex 4-5 days before ovulation
*CHECK* Have sex on the day you ovulate
*CHECK* Female must orgasm
*CHECK* No lubrication
*CHECK* Male dominating position
*CHECK* Eat red meat, salty snacks and caffeine (Beef for lunch, chips/dip for dinner and soda with both)
*CHECK* Jump on one leg (for good measure)